All My Sunsets

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Ciao a tutti!  Live from my terrace in Imperia, Italy — located in the Imperia Province, in the Italian Riviera, an hour and change each from Nice and Genoa.  This is a rare live post because while I document my life all day via social media, I haven’t taken the time to post — with writing feeling like a luxury with the never-ending checklist of items I have on my mind during the school year.  In the summer, though, I feel so inspired, my mind relaxed and free.  And this vacation is super special.  It’s 5 weeks!  Since I moved home from Italy, I went for a month for the summers of 2014, 15, 16, and 17.  They were each epic in their own way.  But I must say, this location is superb, the price can’t be beat, and I’m really letting myself relax — taking days to be super lazy while I can.   I also rented the scooter for the entire 4 weeks I am here — purely out of necessity because it’s an hour hike up the mountain from the sea . . . then I will bop around a bit before home.

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This is my 12th day here. I’ve popped around a bit on this trip, had a ton of relaxation, and my father arrived from Cologne yesterday.  He has a hotel down at the sea, allowing this sweet space to reflect at the end of the day.  My days and sunsets have blended together beautifully into a ritual of calm.  I take a long, lazy start.  I see which cats have come to greet me.  Eventually, I hop onto my scooter for an errand down the mountain, take a swim / workout, and eventually make it back up just before or during the long, lingering sunset.  I adore both the sea and the mountains, so when they combine like this plus the charming Western Riviera culture, I’m smitten.  Mickey Mantle wrote a book All My Octobers.  Mine will be All My Sunsets.

I keep vowing to update this frequently, but for the summer I will make it a habit and not censor myself.  I always remind myself the blog must be written fresh — it can be edited and polished into something beautiful later, but these are the thoughts I’ll refer to when I write something more.  And hopefully that habit will continue as I recognize it’s not a luxury; I love to write and should write.  But as I usually do when there’s a long lag, here’s what I’ve been up to since January 2017.

For MLK weekend 2017, I flew out to visit my hilarious high school friend Ellen in Malibu, then we road-tripped to Solvang (European style wine country place as featured in Sideways) where I met up with my great friend Jessica who road tripped from Bishop to join us.  I met Jessica teaching in Italy.  She went off to Germany for two years as I returned home and was living home in California a bit after an epic few months backpacking and volunteering in Southeast Asia.  It was so fun to make these connections, then back to NYC and enjoying dates around the city, tubing up at Hunter Mountain, then February break!  Up to NH for our annual ski weekend retreat with Fordham friends, then straight to Switzerland, where I had an amazing flight for $500 and a room for $100 a night right in the mountain of Wengen, a perfect ski base.

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I enjoyed sunny breakfasts overlooking the Lauterbrunnen Valley – probably my most favorite place in the world – and I’ve written about it several times here with Mom   and here with Brendan .   I pushed my limits skiing on the difficult slopes, relaxed in the spas, gazed at the stars, and flew back to NYC via Spain revitalized.

It wasn’t long before it was Spring Break!  I found yet another amazing airfare deal just over $400 into Milan via a long layover in Lisbon and home from Naples.  I got a day rate in Lisbon for my shower and nap, then strolled around the harbor in sunny delight and even more delighted by the quality of the food.  Then that evening I was in an airport hotel by Milan Malpensa.  The next morning I took the three hour bus ride straight to Genova (much easier than schlepping on an airport bus or train to Milano Centrale then the train to Genova).  I had an amazing Airbnb overlooking the sea in my old neighborhood in Genova Quarto.

 

I met for drinks and gelato with friends, visited old students and my old director at the international school

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Many aperitivi in this spot of Genova Quarto

and eventually took a night train — fun!– to Puglila.  That’s way down in the heel of the boot.  I know I wanted to go by Bari but didn’t know much about the region.  I had just seen a Conde Nast Traveler photo of the restaurant in the grotto,

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and then when I was searching for towns, I saw Polignano a Mare and that same photo popped up.  I knew I would stay there, and found an affordable and adorable room right by the sea.  I had charming breakfasts in the square, lazy days sunbathing, running and wandering, and enjoyed a special Easter Eve mass where they gave us holy water to bring to our homes.  The next day, I hopped on a train to visit my friend Joseph in Lecce, way down in the heel of the boot.  I met Joseph during one of my many visits to Bruges in 2010, and we have stayed friends ever since.  I wrote about my visit to see him in Ferrara back in 2013.    Too soon, I hopped on a train to Naples where I spent the night in a castle with views over the bay, and drifted off into sweet travel dreams on my own two story section of the castle.

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This is actually a sunrise

Image may contain: ocean, sky, outdoor, nature and waterAmazing.  I flew home the next day and was back in Europe three months later for my annual summer extravaganza.

I had a shocking and complicated breakup — but I don’t really discuss dating on this blog — this is pure travel adventure, so only as it relates.  But I was so wrecked, I didn’t even want to go on this trip last year.  But I went anyway because, I mean, it was booked.  I could always come home.  The same advice he gave to me when I was going through a horrible time and didn’t know if I could go on a month long Australian adventure.  Of course I went and it was amazing.  I arrived in a decent sized apartment in the city center of Genova for only 900 euros.  It had very good AC and a little terrace with no real view but hey – outside!  I holed myself up during the day, watching Netflix, ventured out to some beaches, meditated on the balcony, lingering over my coffee and wandering for sunsets.

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I spontaneously bought a floor ticket for U2 in Rome.  There were track fires, so I missed half the show, my hair covered in ash . . . but it was amazing, and healing.  “One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain.  Hit me with music.”-Bob Marley.  I tried to get back to Genoa, but track fires blocked the way.  I had just finished a travel writing book written by a woman who moved to Spello, Umbria with her husband and three kids — one year of expat life.  She put them in the local school! Amazing!  Il Bel Centro.  I was so enchanted by her writing (set during the second year of my Italy stay) , and had to see Spello.  I looked at the train departures, and saw one leaving, bought a ticket, got a 40 euro place on booking.com, and had an enchanting evening strolling around the hill town.  Magic.

Image may contain: sky, cloud, twilight and outdoorAlready feeling more like myself, I visited a high school friend in London where she toted me to a swanky Innovation event.  I didn’t even know that was a field.  They love to hire teachers.  Something to consider for the future.  We had great laughs and long late night chats.  Brunch in her neighborhood, then a train to Ipswitch for Jessica’s wedding celebration.  Jessica was the friend I just met up with in California. On that trip, she told me she was engaged.  They actually got married in Vegas when I was off to Italy — but flights to Vegas were so expensive that week – it was cheaper to go to Italy, and Jessica said she figured I would be at the UK celebration anyway! 🙂  A charming BBQ in her husband’s parents’ backyard, meeting friends and family, then off to the Fake Festival — amazing coverbands including for Queen an Oasis.  High tea the next day, then off to Belgium for a few nights to visit Jasper (I didn’t see Dave this year).  I love wandering the streets long enough to feel hungry again for my next Belgian treat: beer, bitterballen, cheese croquetts, waffles, chocolate, frites.

Then from Belgium to Milan where I met up with my Dad.  We took a tour of the city that included the Last Supper, which I’ve always wanted to see.  We also went to the top of the Duomo.  I love the Duomo as I wrote here when I first saw it!  Before long, we were on a train to Genoa, and Dad stayed with me a bit.  (We don’t see Mom in my summer adventures because she prefers to stay local in the heat).  Dad and I enjoyed day trips to the beach and lots of lazy time.  Then it was off to Constance, one of our favorite places.  We enjoyed spa time, a cruise to an island with Botanical Gardens, and then he was off and I was back in Genoa.  A few more beach days, a bus trip down to Florence to meet up with a Fordham friend.  It was 104, so we ducked into his hotel for cocktails and the most amazing water!  Then we dashed back out to buy leather jackets and then I was on the Flix Bus back home for a few more lazy, lounging days.  I arrived back home just in time for my birthday, celebrating with high school friends in my parents’ backyard just before dashing off to Lake Placid for 4 nights with Mom the next day.

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Mom won’t do Europe in the summer but she loves the cool mountain air and easy travel to a favorite region.  I paddle boarded and kayaked, strolled and laughed with mom.  It’s amazing how healing travel can be — the same healing does not happen if you just have time off.  It’s what you do with it, and the experiences and insight you have when you’re thrown out of your normal zone.  At least for me . . .

Back to school in the fall, and a 4 day weekend meant a trip to see a high school friend Kate — Ellen’s sister.  Ellen flew in from LA, so we all met there for a fab girl’s time, going to yoga, swimming holes, yoga, and then off on a long desert road trip to see the Marfa lights.

I had never heard about Marfa before, but after we booked, I listened to this favorite song and heard it right away “saw the lights of Marfa . . .”

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Soon after, I went to a yoga retreat up in Hunter Mountain, maintaining my peace and trying not to linger too much on the time spent tubing with him. 

 

Image may contain: sky, cloud, mountain, twilight, outdoor and natureThe rest of the year featured two outpatient surgeries, a 6 week virus that left me sick and weak and eventually in need of antibiotics which I had not had since 2010 because they are actually quite toxic for me.

2018 –I took a long weekend to Stockholm, Sweden mesmerized by the 6 hours of daylight, froze on a boat tour of the archipelago, and wandered the Medieval Center still decked out in the remnants of Christmas.   Before flying Norwegian Air back home (amazing planes, amazing air quality, amazing deal), I indulged in a massage in a classic spa.  Ahh!

There was still the February ski weekend in NH, although I had to take it very easy.   I got sick and gained weight from the antibiotics, despite upping my workouts, eating even better, and doing careful detox programs.  I was frustrated but it was time for a trip Ireland with mom. This one was epic . Over Easter, we started just north of Dublin in Donabate, with a sea view room.

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running along the cliffs in Donabate

My frisbee friend from Fordham messaged me when he saw I was in Ireland, and I drove in to meet him for drinks that first night.  The next day we went to Easter mass then drove down to Cork.  It was unseasonable cold and horribly rainy — not the gentle Irish rain.  No, the shower rain.  We were happy anyway, stopping off at a Cathedral along the way.  I made sure to run every day in Ireland, determined to get back in shape for my 5K races coming up at the end of the month.  When we made our way to Killarney, the highlight was a Dingle Peninsula tour where we stopped to HOLD BABY LAMBS!

I’m obsessed with sheep, so this was a dream come true.  The car broke down another day, and that led to a series of adventures but we ended the trip in Malahide on my mother’s birthday.  I arranged for our friend Mary Bridget to surprise my mother at the restaurant.  We met Mary Bridget at a hotel in Lake Como Italy, and we have been great friends ever since.  I wrote about her here:

Image may contain: ocean and indoorI returned from Ireland, and continued running almost every day — yet I didn’t stretch after a 5K, and did Irish dance on that tight hip and then tried running on it a day later.  My knee gave out massively, and I had to get an MRI.  I tore my meniscus in two spots, damage to the patella cartilage and several other injuries.  The doctor thought I might need surgery, and I imagined this summer adventure in a straight leg brace — how could I ride the scooter with that?  While I limped around work, I fretted over my summer and couldn’t imagine walking and running again.  I got the news that I wouldn’t need surgery, and on May 26, the doctor said, you should be feeling 90% in 4 weeks, and when you feel 90% you can try running.

By June 26, I didn’t feel as much pain anymore, and by the beginning of July I was able to get more aggressive again for my workouts. I actually discovered Barre which has been really intense while also being therapeutic.  I am now able to run for trains and jog through airports and other required travel running.  I hiked up to my airbnb from the sea, and with the fresh air, fresher food, and lifestyle I am feeling like myself again finally.

In addition to swimming and scooting around, I watched several world cup games over Aperol Spritz, and England vs Croatia when I popped over to Kent to see Jessica and her husband with their new baby boy!  Zia Kristin was so excited to meet him!  I returned home and got a swanky haircut in Monaco after several expensive salons butchered my hair – I like classic not trendy, Kate Middleton – not Vogue.  I had a bit of adventure getting back, watched France win the world cup, beaches, naps, writing, reading, Italian netflix, and Dad came to visit straight from Germany.  We drove to Alassio today for a glorious beach day and now I am updated on the blog, recharged in spirit, and excited for the new adventures yet to be written.

 

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These trips aren’t just luxuries; they are necessary healing retreats where I can be me.  The only thing that makes me sad is trying “hold on to these moments as they pass.”

I may be thinking of them in a Long December, but there will be more travel magic ahead.

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Magic in Austria & Italy: Part 1 Vienna

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I moved home from Italy in July 2014, and of course I pined for my life in Europe but I have traveled abroad many times since then, keeping true to my promise to myself.  I visited the Dolomites last Christmas followed by a quick visit to Milan and Genoa.  In February I visited my old school and a quick popover to Malta for my first visit to the charming country, hosted by a dear friend and wonderful tour guide, My Maltese Guide: Stephen Place.  In April, I was back again, this time with Mamma and Auntie Minnie for a visit to Dublin where we enjoyed spring sunshine and were delighted by O’Connell Street as it was turned back to 1915 for the Road to the Rising.  Last summer, I spent a month based in Genoa–up and down the riviera and all around the city–and traveling all around to Malta for Stephen’s wedding, as well as Merano in the Dolomites with my Dad and Frankfurt and Brugge with a former Genoa coworker who now works in Germany.  It was amazing, and there are so many wonderful stories and adventures to share along with the Grand Farewell Tour of Italy back in 2014.

In the interim, I started working again at the NYC public schools, but due to the  negative political climate and micromanaging pulling me far away from my best practice as well as the enormous class sizes (34), it was time to move on.  I’m now working at a great school in the suburbs, but starting a new job for the third time in 3 years has been rough and I haven’t been able to blog much at all, but at least I’ve been traveling.

The trip itself is a wonderful escape, but the travel is made up of so much more: the planning, the pure delight of anticipation, the chaos of the packing, the sweet sigh of relief once boarding the plane, the exhausted landing, the shower nap and feeling human for dinner on arrival night, breakfast the next day, and the magical surprises and wanderings, the photos, and all the joys.  But of course, some of the greatest joy lives on in my memory, fresh upon my return, then deepened through reflection.  Sharing these stories helps me relive it and enhance the joy.  As I travel, I live in the moment, and I also know my future self will love this moment.  In addition, I love the idea of sharing the moment with people like you.  Thanks for reading.

Prior to my departure, it was a very stressful and chaotic time at work, with 4 classes to prep, an 8 page synthesis paper to grade that ended up taking about 16 hours, and all the holiday events and fun obligations that I didn’t want to miss, finding time to squeeze in cooking healthy and workouts, and then, just before Christmas my work backpack was stolen from my locked car right in my driveway.  They snagged my work chromebook, my copy of The Catcher in the Rye I read in high school! Annotated copies of other texts, IB textbooks, and a sentimental scarf someone knit for me in Italian colors before my move to Genoa.  Among other personal items, I loved the bag itself.  It was extra stress at a time I could barely take anymore.  I definitely needed a vacation, and I was glad I didn’t plan a whirlwind tour but more like a relaxing, fun escape.

But first, I enjoyed a wonderful holiday at home with family.  I helped cook for Christmas Eve dinner, sang in Midnight Mass at Fordham University, returned home around 2am to see Santa had arrived as always, and drifted off to a peaceful sleep.  The next day, we opened presents, ate well with loved ones, played with the mini drone I brought my brother, and just relished Christmas.  The day after was pajama day– a blissful day of rest and relaxation to culminate a stressful season.  Finally, time to bask in the glow and joy of the season.

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It’s always hard when I plan to depart during Christmas vacation.  It’s a time of togetherness and family, of bonding and simple pleasures around the tree and fire.  Is this really the best time for solo travel?  Yet, I needed this solo peace to finally be alone with my thoughts, to relax, to wander and discover, to connect with my beloved Europe, to practice my Italian language, and to recover from the stress and let the healing begin.

On December 27th, I headed to my kundalini yoga studio for my regular Sunday practice, where two childhood friends were in town for the holidays (from Austin and LA), so I got to see them really quickly, get in a good workout and begin my relaxation.

Then I gathered my last minute things, drove to my apartment in NY, and packed my things.  It was hard to say goodbye to my family, especially my great aunt who was in town visiting.  I knew when I returned, the tree would be down, the presents packed away, the lights off, and the festive mood diminished.  Yet, I still had a week to enjoy these Christmas treats with a European take.

I darted off to JFK, boarded the air train, and navigated the long security lines, arriving at my gate with just enough time for a pre-departure beer, the first time I got to say ahh for this trip.

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I sipped my Rebel IPA, then boarded my Air Berlin plane where I realized I was upgraded to an XL seat for free.

On top of that, there was nobody next to me.  I had enough room to cross my legs and really stretch out.  This was off to a great start.

With a brief transfer in Dusseldorf, we transferred to Vienna for an easy train ride to the city center.

 

vienna  I was really excited to start my trip off with such a connection because when you are exhausted and groggy, these little things make a big difference.  I noticed how close the green countryside was to the city center, and how convenient the airport was!  Great location and infrastructure.  I tried to avoid falling fully asleep because I’d miss my stop, then exited in my neighborhood in a slightly outer ring of the city center.  Except for a 20 minute pause  on a train on my way to Budapest in 2006, I have never been to Vienna.

I was surprised that my hotel was even closer than I thought, so I didn’t have to lug my bags too far at all.  Good thing, because since my trusted travel friend North Face backpack was stolen, I didn’t have time to replace (those decisions aren’t made lightly) and I grabbed a Vera Bradley shoulder tote, packed to the brim with my most valuables,  Macbook Pro, SLR camera, smaller camera, iPad, Kindle, etc.

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The hotel was quaintly decorated in the Tyrollean charm and Christmas decor that drew me to the place (along with the price less than $60 a night!)

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As it was only around 10:30, it was too early to check in, but I dropped off my bags, and wandered around the neighborhood, into the fresh winter air that was a welcome change since it was in the 70s on Christmas day in the NY/NJ area.

I didn’t grab a map or consult my phone; I just picked a direction and wandered, following spires or interesting sites.  I was clearly wandering around a quiet residential area, families with strollers, few tourists, and then eventually I got so groggy I didn’t think I’d make it any longer.

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I wanted to duck into a bar for lunch, although as it was December 28th, many places were closed for the holidays — and I’d guess many folks were off skiing as what happens in Italy.  With so many world class mountains and sites nearby, I couldn’t blame them.

At the hotel, it still was not check in time, but the restaurant was open for lunch so I sat down for a delicious pumpkin soup and cheese spatzle, featuring fantastic, vivid flavors that I can still taste in my mind today.

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Soon after, my room was available, and I crashed onto the inviting bed for my nap, setting the alarm for 7:30pm.

It was very hard to pull myself out of my blissful slumber as the sunshine of the day faded into a glowing sunset, and the bustling street below quieted to just the occasional passing tram.  I looked out at the evening, as windows decorated with understated white candles reminded me that Christmas has been here, and forced myself to wake up.  I jumped in the shower and went out to explore, selfie stick in hand. After consulting a map, I knew which way to go for the city center, and was instantly struck by how quiet and unassuming the city was.  It was elegant, clearly full of culture, yet calm and classy — not at all overwhelming.

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I posed for this selfie in front of a gorgeous church, then wound my way to the Ring Strasse (a circular boulevard following the old wall of the city) and into the pedestrian shopping center, decorated in lights and attracting the nighttime action seekers.

 

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Christmas market stalls closed for the evening

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nighttime energy

 

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Opera

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Opera masks and elegant gowns

 

As it was about 10pm, it was a struggle to find a place to eat, but I didn’t want to grab street food or tourist cafeteria food, but then I stumbled upon the Hard Rock Cafe.  And as much as I know I don’t travel to Vienna for American culture, I knew it would be a good place for a beer and some nachos, which I was craving.  As I sat there, I watched groups of friends–local and travelers–enjoying a night out, while I read, nibbled, sipped, and reflected on my observations so far.  I’m here in Vienna!

 

 

I wandered back to the hotel under starry skies and drifted off into a very peaceful sleep. The next morning, since breakfast wasn’t included in my rate and because I was finally on vacation where I could sleep in, not be a slave to an alarm clock, I slept in and in and in, finally rousing myself sometime around 1pm.  This meant that I was not going to see Slovakia today, just a short 1 hour train ride away.  It felt weird to start orienting myself to another city and new country when I had barely seen this one!

And it was still a long time after that before I emerged into Vienna.  I needed to chill.  I needed to not have a schedule.  I needed to just be on vacation and not guilt myself about it.  I was happy. But I also needed some purpose.  With only two days in Vienna, I knew I had to stop at the desk and grab tickets for a show tonight.  I chose to purchase tickets for a 7:30pm concert of Mozart and Strauss’s works at the Schönbrunn Palace, a former Imperial summer residence, where each composer had performances.

From my magical walk the evening before, I noticed a quaint cafe that said “Breakfast All Day.”  As it was the late afternoon and I hadn’t eaten yet, that was perfect.  I went in and ordered crepes with Nutella and couldn’t figure out what Melange was (apparently plain coffee, even in the English translation).  The crepes were delicious, but I had to spread the Nutella myself.  I sipped on my green tea and watched the sky darken before 4pm, turning into that blue twilight, while tourists and locals popped in and out for snacks or drinks like Aperol Spritz.

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I instagrammed:

Nearly everything feels so classy and elegant in Vienna, including this cafe. (The crepes didn’t last long enough for the picture.)

Then I tried to catch the ring tram, a tourist tram ride that goes around the Ring Strasse a long with informative narrative. I thought it would be a great way to get a grasp of the city while relaxing and enjoying the sites.  Sadly, I got to the tram stop just shortly after 5, so I instead wandered a bit along the Danube, and posed for this selfie.danube

 

Then I had just enough time to get back to the hotel to change into more glamorous clothing for my concert. Back to the tram (glad I bought the 24 hour ticket) and instead of walking into town, I used the tram plus the u bahn (subway) to get to the palace.  I would have liked more time to tour the palace, but with only 2 nights in Vienna and in desperate need of rest, this was more about just soaking in the vibe, taking a peek, orienting myself, and gathering ideas and inspiration for future visits.

I walked in, one of the few solo people mingled with an international crowd.  It was not assigned seats, so the usher showed me where I could sit at my price range, a seat in the middle, and then the magic began.

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I closed my eyes and entered the world, listening to music that was a delight for people for centuries.  For several of the works, they had vocal accompaniment with a soprano and a baritone, and they also featured two ballet dancers for some of the works.  What a delightful treat capped off with a performance of Stille Nacht (Silent Night) sing along.  We had lyrics in both German  and English on our seats as they invited us to sing in any language — but the group led first in German and then in English.  That was incredibly moving.

There were a couple of tricky interruptions as the Italian child behind me grabbed and pulled on my chair, and I had to turn around several times, one time as the brother started to talk and the mother put her hand over his mouth.  70 euros each for children who might not get it?   But at the same time, a nice cultural introduction.  The sweet old man next to me kept making jokes in German, something about Stille Nacht and something about something else.  I just smiled and nodded.  And eventually I had to apologize and say, “I am sorry, I only speak English.”

Moved and culturally enriched, I happily walked home and into sweet dreams my last night in Vienna, an elegant, sweet cultural city with so much to offer.  I decided to take a later train to Vipiteno, Italy the next day, allowing me enough time for a museum visit tomorrow.

I awoke at actual breakfast time, and enjoyed a great spread for just 12 euros.

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The creamy spread is made with pumpkin!  I took my time, relishing my silent thoughts, dropped my bags off, and walked to the Belvedere Palace, which was just a 5 minute walk from my hotel, featuring one of my favorite paintings, Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss,” which I think I only know about from this Rick Steves Episode:

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I decided to buy the 20 euro Klimt ticket, allowing me to see “The Kiss” in the Upper Belvedere Palace as well as Klimt’s women in Lower Belvedere Palace.  The grounds were beautiful even in the winter, and I knew I wanted to return to see them blooming in spring or summer, the elegance of Before Sunrise

I didn’t feel like a long visit or have time for it, but I did a brief gallery walk around the other rooms to get my fill of beauty, but as always, I opted out of the audio guide and didn’t try or force myself to read everything — just when something jumped out to me.

And then finally, “The Kiss.”  It was big, and absolutely moving and gorgeous in person.  I decided I’d like a faithrful reproduction one day. In the next room, was the recreation of the painting where you were invited to post a selfie with it for a chance to win.  I opted out of that, but I did take these selfies in the grounds outside:

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And then strolled around lower Belvedere Palace, appreciating Klimt’s sketches and several other beautiful works.

Back to the hotel, and off to the main train station where I attempted to wait on the line to get actual seats for my journey to Innsbruck then to Brenner and Vipiteno, the Northernmost Italian city, right over the Austrian border.  Unfortunately, the line was not moving and quite chaotic.  A worker finally sent us to another area, but we weren’t on the right line, and a rude woman said “We are on this line, ahead of you, waiting like everyone else.  You have to wait,”

And I said, “We were sent this way.  We weren’t trying to cut.  We didn’t know.”  Then under my breath I said, “Fuck this shit” while the worker wondered if he actually heard me, as I went back to the ticket machine and took my chances on a ticket without seats and up to my track just in time for departure.  Without seats, I dumped my luggage, took my purse and day bag, and sat in the dining car, a guaranteed seat and meal where I could watch the scenery roll by.

I ordered a beer and pumpkin soup, my newest obsession since the restaurant meal, but they were out so I switched to smoked salmon, then later had dessert, something in vanilla sauce.  2 hours rolled by quickly, and then I found an open seat for some rest before arrival in Innsbruck.

Next stop, Brennero, the border of Italy for a quick change to the local train to my little village, as I will feature in Part 2.  Vipiteno.

Sweet Valencia, Spring Break 2014 part 4

For the other Spring Break 2014 posts, please visit:

Semana Santa in Espana: Spring Break 2014 Part 1

Malaga with a Side of Morocco: Spring Break 2014 Part 2

More Malagahhhh: Spring Break 2014 Part 3

I didn’t know much about Valencia or even where it was exactly.  Then a few months before my trip, a friend had traveled around Spain and said “Valencia is one of my favorite places!” She loved the beach, the vibe, and the amazing architecture of the Science Center which was a surprising highlight I just “have to visit.”

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Valencia flies under the radar, and perhaps I wouldn’t necessarily have thought to hit it on my first visit to Spain. But this was my fourth visit, and I had freedom to explore more.  As I’ve mentioned many times in past posts, sometimes those lesser visited places yield the greatest travel joys.

When I realized I had this entire break to myself, free to go wherever and whenever I wanted, I played with itineraries, peeked at flights, and decided to fly back to Italy from Valencia at the end of my journey.  I had wanted to visit Grenada after hearing so many wonderful things, but you can’t do everything and as my grandmother always used to tell me “leave something to come back for.”

I awoke that final morning in Malaga for one last breakfast and took a cab to the bus station where I took a bus to Valencia.  Yeah, they had trains that would get me there much more swiftly and comfortably, yet to my cranky surprise, they booked up before I looked the day before.  I didn’t realize all the seats could sell out, leaving me with about 9 hours of a bus ride.  I considered bla bla car or a rental car but one was a bit inconvenient as I hate small talk and didn’t want to be “on” for the journey, and the other was a bit too expensive.  I was not thrilled for such a long journey, knowing restless legs and possible motion sickness and stale air awaited me, but I do like napping in coach seats which are a bit cozier than trains. . . sometimes.  And sometimes you can see better sights rolling by the window from a highway than from tracks.  So, having chosen my option, I was optimistic and excited to move on.

After turning inland from the coast and exploring rolling green hills, we ended up in Grenada for a layover.  I was hoping to see something, but it wasn’t long enough and there was nothing within walking distance of the bus terminal, so my wishes to experience and immerse myself in the beauty of this Andalusian charm will have to wait for a future visit.

En route, we were treated to an endless display of eye candy that changed from hills and flowers to rugged red rocks and desert land.

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Some of the eye candy during the long journey

We had an extra long stop when they had to search the entire bus, holding us up even longer.  I thought they were looking for drugs, but my father later said that it was probably something a bit more severe.  As I tweeted at the time, “That canine drug search really helped break up the 11 hour bus ride today.”  I would have actually really enjoyed the journey if it didn’t delay us so much.

By the end, I was antsy and tired in that too exhausted to even rest way, but once we rolled into Valencia the weather was balmy and the discount hotel was inviting, right on the beach promenade.  I plopped onto the bed, opened the window and shutters, and listened to the sounds of the sea and the chatter of a lively neighborhood at night.  Eventually, I found the energy to peel myself up and go for an evening run followed by a wandering stroll, one of my favorite things to do when traveling.

The next morning, I took a lazy start, followed by my continental breakfast where I watched Pharrell’s “Happy” video, hearing it for the very first time.  I sure was.

To this day, I still think of my sunny, peaceful Valencia sojourn whenever I hear it, which is often on repeat on my iphone while I’m doing a quick 10 minutes of burpees or while running around my neighborhood.

During my morning stroll, surrounded by happy, friendly people, I kept thinking of the amazing time I had on this vacation.  I tweeted:

Spain got it right! Free & well-maintained beaches; great food and wine; gorgeous scenery; progressive, multicultural vibe; and wonderful people!

I admired the white sandy stretch of beach, framed with low hills in the distance and edged with a smooth stone promenade.  This had a Euro-Cali vibe, and I could have stayed forever.  I began to dream and scheme of living here one day, where the prices were much cheaper than Genoa and most of Europe, and the quality of life was rich and beautiful yet simple.

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A “Happy” Beach Day

I was listening to my 120gig ipod classic on shuffle and hit a Chicago song that I loved.

 The refrain repeating in my head as I walked .  . . “feeling stronger every day.”  Absolutely.  I’ve overcome a lot during my transition abroad, I have a lot ahead of me as I prepare for my return home, but I’m going to be just great.

My father had gifted me the Chicago albums years ago, but I never explored them much.  This was a perfect calling to indulge.  I kept walking through the soft sand for a couple of hours under the sun, a warm breeze, palm trees, happy people, happy me.

As I listened, I definitely remember loving this song, which was was featured in the Mad Men season premiere at the beginning of the month, which I had watched just before my departure.

Feeling groovy, I stopped for lunch along the beach.  I don’t remember what I ate, but I remember what I saw: blue sky, blue seas, smiling faces, and a sand sculpture of The Last Supper.

I indulged in a relaxing massage on the beach after a swim, then closed my eyes for a bit of warm bliss, summer on the horizon. Later that day, I darted over to the Science Center, and even though I was told it was amazing, I was not prepared for how stunning the architecture was, especially under the bold, cobalt sky.

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Some of the eye candy during the long journey

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After admiring the outside for a half hour or so, I toured some of the hands-on exhibits inside, which were not just for kids.  How high can I jump?  What is my memory? How are eco friendly buildings constructed?   How do things work?  So much to see and experience.

Instead of taking public transportation back, I decided to walk along the river promenade, which eventually led me to an Andalusian festival, funny because I had just departed that region of Flamenco.

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I explored that inland neighborhood of Valencia, grabbed a burger and beer al fresco, hopped on the tram and arrived back at my hotel late that evening to cozily tuck myself into bed.  The next morning, I was on a plane back to Milan for the end of one of my favorite vacations ever.  There was a time when I was intimidated or restless traveling alone, but now it has become one of my most favorite ways to go.  It was like a week of meditation, indulgence and self love.  I was refreshed and ready for whatever came next in this time of uncertainty and change.

I posted the following successive tweets:

Few people can say they truly follow their dreams. I did, and I keep dreaming and scheming.

I love traveling with myself because I philosophize uninterrupted and I’m good company, always doing fun things at my own pace.

With that said, it’s only good as a break from the norm. Thoreau built that cabin in the woods yet regularly walked into town for society.

An alpine peak is amazing alone, yet even a hilly meadow is sublime in the right company.

Later that evening after traveling from Milan, I entered my apartment and saw my cozy bed.  I opened the French doors to the terrace and I tweeted “After all the beautiful places, I still find Genoa gorgeous and am happy to call her home for a few more months.”

Malaga with a side of Morocco: Spring Break 2014 part 2

As I was on my spring break–my break, my way–I took an unhurried departure to Malaga.  Not that I didn’t want to get there and the gorgeous beaches, but I just wanted to relax and not dash about on a schedule as we all have to do in our every day lives.  Plus, with months of whirlwind weekends, I was always rushing.  It wouldn’t be a vacation if I couldn’t chillax.

After a lingering breakfast and a last call stroll, I grabbed a high speed train to Malaga which would save time, even though it was a lot more money.  When I got to the train station, I was surprised by a line along the platform.  They were scanning all the bags right there, including carry ons.  Eventually, I made it on and was impressed by how clean and spacious second class was.  I had a forward facing single window seat, and gazed at the rolling hills of Andalucia as they sped by.

If my life is the Truman show, there is a lot of footage of me riding on trains.  All my years of travel have culminated in this intense climax.  So many of my hours these past two years have been spent gazing out train windows, watching the scenery shift as my mind would do the same.  There is something so therapeutic and transformative about travel.  In fact, when I thought I was going to get my PhD, I played around with the idea of a thesis related to travel writing and this very concept.  Part of this value, I think, is the idea of being in transit.  My friend Denis studied abroad for a year in Cambridge, and he fondly recalls the long train journeys as his favorite part of touring the continent.  “You’re in between, neither here nor there, and it’s total freedom.”  It’s true.  Nobody to answer to.  No schedule.  Nothing to do but just relax, listen to music, read– truly your time.

I was almost a little disappointed when I arrived after a short train ride because the journey was over for today.  I was also disappointed because it was raining.  On my spring break in sunny Spain.  Yet, I know that expectations breed disappointment.  And, hey, a rainy vacation in Spain is still a vacation in Spain!

I found my way to the bus stop and planned to snag a bus close to the hotel.  But since it was pouring rain and a bit chilly, I thought I’d take advantage of affordable cab prices and treat myself.  Soon I was in my room on the top floor of the hotel with a balcony overlooking the beach.  I think this was about 70 euros a night.  I love Spain!

I posted this photo while enjoying the view and anticipating sunshine.

Greetings from my balcony in Malaga!  Looking forward to sunshine the next two days.

Greetings from my balcony in Malaga! Looking forward to sunshine the next two days.

Eager to explore, I dropped my bags off and took a walk around the quaint neighborhood to get my bearings.  On my way back,  the sun came out and I saw a rainbow right over my hotel! Joy.

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On the way back into the hotel, I asked the concierge about booking a trip to Morocco.  I have never been to Africa, and I learned from Rick Steves that it would be so easy to travel to Morocco from this region. A day trip via ferry.  How could I not go?

A lover of independent travel, I also like the convenience of a group tour, especially when it’s a whirlwind tour and to a place, a country . . . heck a continent I have never visited.  After checking the weather forecast, I wanted to go tomorrow and they were able to book me at the last minute. I saw cheaper prices with Viator (40 euros or something), but I decided to go with the company recommended by the hotel.  After they booked me, I found out it was the same company name.  Yet, no worries.  I was going to Morocco tomorrow!

I did yoga in my room via yogaglo.com, a sweet detox twisting flow which helped me get rid of even more of the pre-vacation tension.  I twisted while watching the sky grow dark. I then took a stroll out for some snacks for tomorrow’s bus ride, and curled into bed.

The next day, I awoke at 5:30, and was most upset about missing the big breakfast spread.  The company offered hotel pick ups on the route to Tarifa, the point just across from Tangier, although my hotel was along the coast in the other direction.  So I hopped in a cab to the meeting point.  I had read horror stories online about the meeting point– long waits and many difficulties finding the spot.  But it looked like this was the only gig around, so if I wanted to go — I went with them.  Plus, they had my money.

After carefully ensuring I knew where to go, I was at the spot as promised at 6:00am.  It was dark.  It was cold.  Some other folks nearby were waiting for a bus.  I wondered where they were going at this hour.  I checked my watch.  I kept checking my watch.  A few minutes later, a man came up to me.  “Are you going to Morocco?”
“Yes”

“They told us 5:30.  We’ve been waiting 45 minutes.  They are not coming.”

“Well, they told me 6.  And it’s only a bit after that.  They will come.”

“You give us hope!  Thank you, you give us hope!  We were about to leave!”

“If it makes you feel any better, I overpaid for the trip because I booked directly with the hotel.”

“We should make up the difference for you.  Everyone chip in 5 euros.”

“No, no . . . ” I couldn’t stop laughing.  And just like that, I had made new friends for my journey.  Another reason I love group tours.

Finally, finally a bus pulled up and we hopped in.  The driver and tour guide were very nice, just insanely late.  We snoozed and rested while we watched the sunrise along the coast, the bus popping over to pick up folks along the Costa del Sol.  Some folks complained about this online.  But, this is how to keep the tour so cheap. ($105 US on Viator).  No worries.  Still a steal.

I sat near my new friends.  One of them was a young lady, Genesis, fresh out of college teaching English in Madrid.  An expat like myself, we bonded over the experience.  She was traveling with her parents who were there to visit from Oregon.  It’s fun to travel alone, but it’s also fun to share the adventure with someone, especially fun and sweet likeminded travelers.

After passing gorgeous rolling hills, soon we were in Tarifa, walking through border patrol and onto the ferry. I half snoozed and half dazed out the window sea as the high speed boat bobbed up and down towards the hills of Africa.

Moody seas

Moody seas

Glorious sunshine

Glorious sunshine and my first glimpse of Africa

I tried not to get seasick, pinching the trigger point at the top of my ear cuff.  This trick may have saved me from vomiting like nearly everyone around me back in 2012 while escorting a group of my NYC Public high school students to Capri.  We were on an EF tour, and we were in Southern Italy, visiting the island for the day.  The water was so choppy that all of us were seasick and the ride was unbearable.  I closed my eyes, turned up the music to drown out the sounds, and sat near the window for fresh air and to dull the stench of vomit.  This ferry ride was much smoother.  However, my new travel friends definitely were feeling seasick and popped ginger.

I was so giddy with excitement.  It’s been 9 years since my last new continent (Asia: Japan, March 2005). At this point in my travels, new countries are getting rare.  And Africa always seemed so exotic, so far off.  I’m not sure if I ever knew I’d go.

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When the ferry docked, I kept thinking, I’m in Africa, I’m in Africa!  I waited at the door as it lifted and I got my first glimpses of the sunshine, crowds and chaos of Tangier.  Every step was a rush.  My senses were overloaded as I tried to take it all in.

We walked onto a tour bus where an excellent and captivating guide explained the various neighborhoods as well as the history of modern, cosmopolitan Tangier as shown in this video I recorded:

I tried to imagine what it would be like to visit on my own, to stay over night and to really discover.  What would the rest of Morocco be like?  What about Fez?  Or a trip through the Sahara on a camel.

In the middle of the bus tour, we stopped to ride camels near where the Atlantic Ocean meets the Mediterranean Sea.  The location was pure beauty, bright turquoise water crashing against the jagged cliffs in the foreground, and sandy hills in the background.  The caravan of camels were there waiting for us in this orchestrated tourist attraction.

Camels!

Camels!

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hi!

hi!

The setting for my camel ride

The setting for my camel ride

I felt bad because they were tied up by rope at the ankles.  I hoped they had a good life.  I hope they were treated well.  I didn’t see any mistreatment while I was there, although I felt kind of guilty. But I was also really excited because I was going to ride a camel!  And not even at the zoo.

I was the first one up!  I walked straight up to it, and before I could hand my camera off to someone, the guy asked me to climb onto the hump of the seated creature.  I thought I would fall off, and I almost did as he teetered rose to his full height while the guide led him in a giant circle around the parking lot.  As I was the first up, many folks took photos and videos, so while I have no documentation, it lives on in someone’s album somewhere.  I went up so fast that Genesis didn’t even see me ride.  She later said, “I would have taken pictures.”

That’s ok.  The moment lives in my mind. And it encouraged me to take camel selfies. He seemed to love it.

Camel Selfie

Camel Selfie

Camel Selfie

Camel Selfie

I had a lovely short journey with my new friend

I had a lovely short journey with my new friend

I was so excited, pure adrenalinen rush of elation.  I also realized how much I adore camels.  They are so darned cute, and there’s just something about them.  When I my ride ended and my camel was kneeling again, I slid off on a camel high.  Then I met the baby.

Baby Camel!

Baby Camel!

On our whirlwind tour, minutes later, we were sipping hot green tea outside overlooking the coast.  I was originally sitting alone, then Genesis and her parents invited me to sit with them and offered to take some pictures of me in front of the stunning background.

A collage of my Morocco experience

A collage of my Morocco experience

gorgeous setting for warm mint tea

gorgeous setting for warm mint tea

We chatted and reflected on our awesome day so far, and then boarded the bus again.

We were toted to the Medina, with a brief photo op stop to watch a snake charmer tame a cobra followed by some opportunities to wear another non-poisonous snake.  I just watched.  We entered the Medina.  In the old city center, we stayed close to our guide,  like ducklings, as he wound through tiny alleys deliberately winding like a maze to help locals flee from intruders.

Entering the Medina

Entering the Medina

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Our guide leading the way, a professor at a college in Tangier. Professors wear the collegial robes.

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We had an excellent lunch of local dishes while local musicians played for us.  Touristy?  Absolutely.  But a fun flavor of Morocco?  Absolutely.

Emerging from lunch, we were bombarded with men trying to sell their wares, from necklaces to leather purses.  If you looked or made a comment, they took it as an invitation to try their sell.  This was not new during our time in Morocco.  But this time . . . they had pictures of us, candid photos of us watching the snake show.  Genesis’s father and I didn’t want to lose the group and didn’t have time to haggle the exorbitant prices down, but now reflecting, why didn’t I buy one of those cute, candid photos of Travel Kristin in Africa?  I mean, I have spent $15 for a blurry photo on a rollercoaster.  Why not a few euros for this unique shot?

I would have pasted it here.  And it would make me smile.

After, we had the opportunity to browse a carpet shop.  I was not buying a carpet.  They threw many beautiful patterns on the floor, but how would I get that on Ryan Air?  They hear that too much, so they kept offering “free shipping” but . . . I didn’t even know where I would be living next year, nevermind know where I’d put a beautiful Moroccan rug.

While waiting for others in the shop, I wandered to the first floor where I eyed a pair of red leather toe loop sandals and managed to talk 20 euros off the price.  I don’t like to haggle, but I’m good at it because I don’t often feel like I MUST have anything.  Ambivalence helps.  I named my price and got it.  Hmm.  Maybe should have tried lower.

We headed out of the medina with a brief stop at the local oven for fresh-baked bread.  Our guide handed the warm, delicious morsel as I savored each bite.  In Morocco, families make their own bread and bake it in the local oven, picking it up later.  Did we eat someone’s bread?  Was it planned for us?  In any case, delicious.

Soon we were on the ferry and Out of Africa.  Did it really happen?  So fast.  Just a taste.  I know that technically I was in Africa, in Morocco . . .but I can’t really count it until I truly explore it.  But what a nice peek and treat.

* * *

The long ride along the Costa del Sol– little England / Ireland — allowed us to rest and reflect, high from the new experience.  I continued chatting with Genesis and her lovely parents.  When we exited the bus, they invited me out to dinner with them, where we sat along the cobblestone streets for a delicious al fresco meal. in enchanting ambiance

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Malaga still decked out with red banners after their pasos for Semana Santa

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I love Malaga

I love Malaga

Genesis studied in Malaga one summer, improving her language.  She shared stories of her time here, and we shared travel adventures and dreams as well as the longing of missing friends and family back home.  I was grateful to have new friends to share the evening with.  We hugged goodbye, added each other to facebook, then I strolled back to my hotel room for another sweet evening of yoga.

This post is getting long so more Malaga next time.  🙂

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Semana Santa in España: Spring Break 2014 Part 1

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Originally, my great college friend Kristen was supposed to visit for my Spring Break.  We had plans to enjoy Genoa and the Cinque Terre (classics for all my first time visitor friends)  before snagging a cheap flight down to Sicily where we would enjoy beautiful weather and impressive scenery. My father and I got a peek at Sicily that fall, also in the shoulder season where the crowds are nonexistent, and the weather is warm and sunny.  I was really looking forward to this girls’ trip: great conversation, wine, laughing and exploring with a fun buddy I haven’t seen or even really talked to much since I moved due to our schedules.

Big breaks are a big deal for an international teacher, since we usually get shorter ones or weekends for our travel, and on the really big breaks like Christmas and Summer, we fly home.  This year, my father and I visited Sicily for our first ever fall break, I went home for the 2.5 weeks at Christmas, and my mom flew over for our annual February trip to Dublin plus a Swiss ski adventure.  This was my last break of the school year.  I chose Kristen, leaving it wide open for her.

Then I got the text: “I’m sorry, don’t hate me.  I have a massive caseload at work that goes right over those dates.  I can’t get away until later this summer.”

I was disappointed, yet I have to admit that I was super excited because my spring break became all mine!  I could do whatever I wanted to do, at my own schedule, at my own whim.  I’m great company, and I love to follow adventure, ramble about for hours, write in my journal, sit at a cafe and people watch, or just do absolutely nothing.  My vacation, my style.  I was excited by the treat, and enthusiastically began planning.

Originally, I was overwhelmed by the possibilities.  Then slowly I got some focus.  I wanted warm, good weather, beaches, and . . . well, thinking back to how much I loved Barcelona that Fall, I wanted more Spain.  In particular, Andalusia has been on my must-see list for years, and my friend Jessica of European Escapades told me that I must also see Valencia as she raved about it while rambling about Barcelona with me on the heels of her solo adventure in Spain.  I decided to visit Seville, Malaga from the recommendation of another coworker who adored it, and finally Valencia.  I booked a flight straight out of Genoa with Vueling, a low-cost air carrier that only runs a few days a week.  To save money and avoid flying out of Milan, I ended up with a long layover in Barcelona, so I just popped into an airport hotel, enjoyed a great dinner, and flew out early the next morning, arriving in Sevilla with a full day to explore.  The vacation ahhh!

I hopped on the affordable airport bus, and arrived quickly and easily in the city center, where I followed the blue dot on my google maps for the short walk to my hotel.  Hotels are cheap in Spain!  Since this was my spring break, I decided it was worth paying a tiny bit more to get an even nicer hotel in a great location.  My hotel had a rooftop deck, which I have to admit was a big selling point.  I left my luggage, aware that check-in was a few hours away, then strolled around the corner for breakfast and a coffee.  I sat outside and ordered an American breakfast of bacon, eggs, sausage, coffee and fresh OJ!  You order weird things when you travel as an expat.  The things we crave are often the familiar comforts of home when those are often the big no-nos of travelling on shorter jaunts from America.

I felt a supreme sense of calm and joy lingering over my coffee.  Then I wandered through the winding streets of the neighborhood, magic and mystery around each corner.  I relished each step and discovery, grateful that I had this opportunity.  I instagrammed this collage during that walk to showcase my first impressions of Sevilla:

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I vowed that I would not allow “Site-Shaming” on this trip, or to feel guilt about things I should be doing.  If I see it, great.  If not, no sweat.  I’m on vacation!  Also, I tried to do only minimal research on my location to leave as much wonder as possible and minimize disappointment.  With this approach, it is more of an adventure with more surprises and awe.  As it was just before Easter, the streets were calm and the churches were packed with visitors admiring impressively ornate floats featuring saints.  The one pictured here is Our Lady of Macarena.  Everyone was taking photos in awe.  I wasn’t exactly sure what I was seeing until later, but I followed along.

I wandered for hours, along roads lined with red banners, and eventually used the blue dot to find my way back to the hotel, eating up my international cell phone data.  There must be a better way to use my data for Vodafone in Italy while travelling.  Well, there was; it’s called the Passport, and only 4 euros a day.  I just didn’t understand the Italian well enough to know about it, but my students told me later on a school trip I led to Dublin. Changed my travel life.  But on this trip — ahh, I didn’t know yet.  I realized we have become so dependent on our smart technology.  I learned that lesson the hard way when first arriving in Milan and stayed at the spa so long that I missed the last train back to Genoa.  Instead, I figured I’d grab a cheap hostel.  But my phone died.  So I just wanted to find an Internet cafe.  I wandered for hours to no avail, then ended up grabbing a hotel by the train station in lieu of sleeping on the station floor, although I definitely could have had a great deal at a hostel.  I also noticed that hotels no longer give directions that you can print out and find later.  Now you need to use google maps. Sometimes, all they give you are the coordinates.  People expect you to have access to certain information.  Like, who buys maps anymore. I didn’t have a Sevilla map. I needed my smart phone, at whatever cost.

Eventually it was time to check into my hotel room.  I walked inside and was impressed by the cleanliness and beauty of the recent renovation yet also shocked by the size as it barely fit me and my bed.  Location ruled here, though, and it was all I needed so I was thrilled.  Eying the bed and relishing lazy vacation mode, I crawled in and lingered in a half nap daze for a few hours.  I heard some drumming sounds through the double paned window glass.  What’s going on outside?  I was curious, but not curious enough to move quickly.  Eventually, I peeled myself away to go for a run. The noise grew louder as I pounded down the marble steps to the entry way.  There was a parade going right by the hotel.  And TV crews were set up outside.  I was right on the parade route for the Semana Santa pasos, or parades.  It was Holy Saturday, and this was the climax.

At home in the US, I’m not one for statues of saints, feeling that it’s a bit like idol worship.  My Catholic self has grown more and more secular over the years, although I retained my spirituality and belief in God.  Although walking throughout Genoa, I’d find myself saying Hail Marys at the many statues on buildings absolutely everywhere, including outside my living and bedroom windows. Here in Sevilla during the paso, I felt the emotion along with the crowd– the energy and reverence affected me.   I watched families with awe and jealousy because I was far from mine.  I was a camera, on the outside looking in, a temporary visitor, a wanderer.   I wondered when I would have my own family.  Would I?  At 33, I thought I would be at least dating the man who’d become my husband.  Dreaming about my family as a little girl, I always assumed it was a given.  Now I realize nothing is guaranteed.  I could follow my dream.  I could do all the things I want, but I can’t plan love.

Time alone allowed me the space to wonder: what if I had made different choices? Career, Travel, Big Moves and Big Dreams, my love of independence.  I had everything I dreamed about in this international adventure–all the things I wanted, a life for me.  But in chasing that dream, was I not open to my other ones?  Ultimately, I was so content to be single and alone in that moment, relishing the temporary, selfish independence.  Would it become permanent?  Everyone was surprised that I didn’t “find my husband in Italy.”  Well, that’s not what I set out to do.  That’s not the purpose of this experience.  It was about finding me.  That’s not right either.  I was always self aware — rather, it was about giving myself the freedom to do, enjoy, experience and be exactly who I am.  I was ecstatic.

So, as the parade wandered along, the crowd grew to a hush each time a float came close.  These floats featured the stations of the cross, statues depicting the passion of Christ.  I stayed a while, and then it was clear that the parade would last for hours.  I went on that run, through the narrow medieval streets that spilled out onto a grand boulevard along a canal.  I ran down to the canal, a place not really for tourists, where expats and students, families, and singles ran, strolled, and enjoyed.  It was a bit gritty, crumbling and lined with graffiti.  But I liked it– off the beaten path, into the local world for just a moment.  I moved abroad for this continued experience, and even in my short travels I seek glimpses of this.  Invigorated by my runner’s high, I wandered back through the streets and hit a jam on my way to the hotel.  The parade was winding through.  At this point, children clothed in black hooded robes passed slowly, guarding their candles.  It was an eerie yet beautiful tradition, and I was grateful to be a part of it.

Eventually I found a clear route to my hotel, where I showered and went up to the roof to watch a bit, then down for some tapas.  I randomly chose a place around the corner that looked quaint.  I sat at the bar and asked what they recommended.  My time in Italy had improved my Spanish listening skills, but even with 5 years of middle and high school Spanish, I was not comfortable in my speaking skills as I fumbled over my questions in an English-Italian-Spanish mix.   Luckily, the server spoke some English, and suggested some delicious dishes and a stellar red wine that made me forget the wines of Italy.  I didn’t write exactly what I had, and in a move so unlike me, I didn’t photograph the tapas.  I guess I was truly living in the moment.

I later tweeted, “If you don’t like Spain, you are missing part of your soul.  And your whole stomach.” I like Spain.  Always did.  It has a lot of the things I love about Italy: mountains, the sea, great wine, cured meat, delicious cuisine, small and flavorful coffee, ornate churches, family-oriented culture, passion.  Yet Spain, and particularly Andalusia, had their own unique traits that enchanted me.  Most of all, I felt extremely welcome and at home even while all alone.  After a second glass of wine, I strolled around and caught the night-time portion of the parade, which was mostly folks carrying those candles.  While watching the parade, it became Easter.  I was filled with gratitude and said a brief prayer of thanks for this beautiful life and this beautiful experience.

Eventually, I grabbed a frozen yogurt under a starlit sky, and finished it on the roof of my hotel before crawling back into my cozy bed.

I awoke refreshed the next morning as my muscles unwound in the way they only can do when on vacation.  I enjoyed breakfast up on the top floor, strolled out to the roof to survey Sevilla on Easter, then asked at the desk for the nearest church.  I enjoyed mass, and noticed one of the floats from last night was in this Church.  Shortly after a beautiful service, I emerged into the sunshine and wished everyone a happy Easter morning on Instagram:

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and posted this collage featuring scenes from the past couple of days:

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Semana Santa

It was then time to decide on lunch.  I finally had a real map in my hands, courtesy of the hotel, where I saw a Mexican restaurant advertised.  It’s nearly impossible to get good Mexican in Genoa, and to treat myself and satisfy that craving, I committed another vacation no-no by having Mexican food in Sevilla on Easter Sunday.  And boy did I enjoy it, gorging on guacamole, chips, and enchiladas banderas while reading my kindle outside a grand church and cobblestoned streets.  I preferred to be outside, to be where I was, even though there was just a heavy downpour and I had to push water off the table and seats.  I had my space and fresh air.

I posted this photo along with the quote, “If you have a book, you’re never lonely.”

If you have a book, you're never lonely.

If you have a book, you’re never lonely.

Then I decided to visit the Real Alcazar upon the recommendation of a former colleague from NYC who had studied abroad in Sevilla.  I didn’t want to site shame myself if I missed it, but I decided it was a perfect way to spend the rest of the day.  I waited on a short line, then went in to the palace featuring beautiful Moorish architecture.  I wandered the grounds, played with photography, and saw two peacocks.  So  . . .success!

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beautiful carving

beautiful carving

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IMG_7502That evening, I saw incredible flamenco that brought out every emotion of the universe.  I booked an intimate performance venue tucked into the charming old quarter, where I could wander happily for hours.  I’ve always been intrigued by the art of Flamenco, and even loved the touristy show I saw in Barcelona when I took my students on a school trip back in 2009.  This one was more authentic, with more art, no photography allowed until the end, and so much passion I felt like I was watching something I shouldn’t… I recall this is how Samantha Brown had phrased it during her visit to Sevilla.

Intimate Flamenco show -- Passion!

Intimate Flamenco show — Passion!

I rushed back a bit to catch friends and family on Skype for Easter, and I meant to leave the hotel to enjoy more nocturnal exploration of magical streets.  But my bed was stronger than my will.

The next morning, I enjoyed one more breakfast, and then headed to Malaga at my leisure.  But I was in love with Sevilla.  I will return, one more of the many places where I left my heart.

2 Years Gone

“Do not cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”-Dr. Seuss

Yesterday, I walked out of the building for the last time as a teacher.  Saying goodbyes to colleagues I wouldn’t see this summer, I eventually choked up on my way out the door, overwhelmed that I was leaving my favorite job, my favorite apartment, and my beautiful home in Europe, walking distance to the sea.

This was a dream I had for many, many years – probably since I took my first trip to Europe in 1997: Paris, the Riviera and Rome.  The tour also included Florence and Assisi — and I realized I loved Europe, loved the way I felt in Europe, and wanted more.  I studied abroad in England in 2001.  I backpacked alone for the first time that summer.  I came back the following summer for more.  I kept coming back.  I remember telling a close friend,”When I close my eyes, I see Europe.  It’s all I want.”  I dreamed, and schemed, and then in January 2012 I accepted my job, in a story as told here when I celebrated 6 months in Europe.  I almost chickened out, but I knew in my gut it was the right step, a necessary check on my timeline.  And when it was time to decide whether to stay in this beautiful, peaceful, comfortable life or move on to my next adventures, I waffled and struggled, but for many reasons, I knew that it was time for NY.  Maybe not forever, maybe just for a year or two, but for some reason, it’s time to be in NY.  When confronted with the easy path or the hard one, I know I will grow from the challenging path.  As weird as it sounds, the challenge at this point is to move home.   I have enjoyed every moment of my time here, and rather than stay and resent certain things or wonder what if, I am leaving at my peak of enjoyment, preserving the memory.  But before I tie the bow on this experience, I have a Grand European Farewell Tour!

I remember my New York Grand Farewell Tour.  From February until my August departure, I savored every moment of my life in New York, visiting things like a tourist, going out with my friends as much as possible, and realizing how great things were at home.  With this new trajectory, I scraped off my barnacles and felt revitalized and full of energy.  Of course,  none of this was easy.  The emotions of leaving my job, friends, family, car and familiarity; the bureaucratic paperwork that took until just days before I hopped onto my plane–my friends wondering if I’d even be able to go when I was at my farewell party; packing my apartment for storage and shipping some belongings overseas; completing the days of paperwork and office visits upon arrival; figuring out how to get a cell phone and internet, how to ask for things at the grocery store, how to call a taxi, where to find tacos, where to buy cheddar (not in Italy!), where to get deodorant with antiperspirant; cooking daily; purchasing and riding a scooter; retrieving contacts stuck in customs; changing that strange fluorescent light bulb; getting the guy to get the geckos out of your water heater; getting stuck places because of delays or train strikes; dealing with Italy in general.  But it was all worth it, and it was all possible thanks to the kindness of my colleagues and the patience of my friends and family who listened to my homesick gripes as they faded.  Genoa became my home.

They say you can’t go home again, so I know I’ll have to reacclimatize to  New York City, finding my more relaxed Mediterranean ways might not suit me well in the frenzied city.  Yet I will have friends, family, and all the things I’ve been missing.  I am setting new goals, treating my time back in NY as possibly temporary, so I need to enjoy it while I can.  I want a nice apartment (no downgrades since I love what I have now); I have my leased car and I’m going to get a scooter there as well!  I’m going to try out more adventure activities (rock climbing, kayaking, whatever comes my way).  I’m going to do more US travel on the weekend.  Friends in Cali and Chicago, I’ve never been to Colorado, Skiing in Vermont — so much to see!  I’m going out in the city as much as possible mixed with many chill dinners at home with my closest friends.  I’m also looking forward to my cats; I’ve been known to Skype them.

The job search from abroad was certainly tricky.  I had resigned from the NY City public schools, so I wasn’t guaranteed a job in the system.  I had to apply to even be considered as a candidate.  Then I had to find the right fit.  All through email or skype and with a time difference.  Yet it worked out!

I absolutely love where I work now.  I’m happy to say that my new school is also an excellent match for me: internationally minded,with coworkers who have worked abroad and/or traveled extensively like me, IB-inspired, semi-selective and serving a community of students who want a rigorous curriculum despite their incoming scores (except for the honors classes–which are selected).  I will only be teaching 11th grade plus one elective (currently I teach 8,9,10,11,12). I enjoyed the variety of 5 grades, although it will be nice to just have one preparation so I can focus.  I really liked what I saw when I flew in last month for both the school visit and a wedding,  Just before I received the official job offer, my boss told me that my job opened up again here.  I had agonized over the decision, spent a long time preparing for my job search, and ended up with something special and rare.  I knew I couldn’t second guess.  I just had to go, so I accepted the offer and am on my way.

But first:

A few days here to enjoy the gorgeous weather of June in Genoa.  Days at beach, nights at beachside bars, perhaps dancing.  Riding my scooter all around.  Then next week, I fly to Belgium to visit my friends in Ghent and enjoy a charming canal view hotel room in Bruges.  Upon my return, I have some time in Genoa again before Krakow with a friend for 4th of July weekend.  I fly back, then that evening, two great friends from NY will be staying with me to explore the region.  After they leave, I have a day to pack for my big adventure and pack up my apartment for the big move.  I head to Interlaken, Switzerland in the Alps for a charming 2 nights on Lake Brienz, one of my favorite spots in the world.  Peaceful reflection, hiking, biking, swimming. . . ahh!  Next, I take a train to Constance, Germany where I meet up with my father.  We will visit spas, museums, and explore with a car. Next, we take a train to Merano in the Dolomites, for hiking and fresh air, followed by Trieste where we meet a family friend, then a drive to Lake Bled, Slovenia (new country for me!), then to Rimini for a night, a quick peek at San Marino, then finally a couple of nights in the Cinque Terre before my shippers come.  Dad and I enjoy a couple of days in Genoa, he leaves, then I have a few final days before back to the USA.  It’s been great, and there are great things ahead.

 

My 10th grade students were so sad I was leaving. They wrote a sweet card, thanking me for "Being the Best English Teacher We Ever Had" and gave me this gorgeous Murano Glass Heart necklace. So touched!

My 10th grade students were so sad I was leaving. They wrote a sweet card, thanking me for “Being the Best English Teacher We Ever Had” and gave me this gorgeous Murano Glass Heart necklace. So touched!

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I was wearing the perfect outfit for this sweet gift. That evening, I went to Milan for the evening to meet up with my brother and his girlfriend who just arrived from NY. This is in my hotel room there. I spent a lot of time in Milan hotel rooms coming and going somewhere special or meeting with friends and family.

For our last Italian class, we walked down to the sea for aperitivo and Italian conversation.  Our colleague/teacher gave us these wonderful gifts so we can take a bit of Genoa with us!

For our last Italian class, we walked down to the sea for aperitivo and Italian conversation. Our colleague/teacher gave us these wonderful gifts so we can take a bit of Genoa with us!

I’m enjoying every moment.  Right now, I’m enjoying a lazy day in bed, the door open to my terrace as the sunshine spills in, birds singing sweet melodies that are the soundtrack to my life here along with the occasional scooter.  I have the peace and time to reflect.  Content.  Filled with gratitude.  I have been truly blessed.

Back in the USA for Independence Day

It was super wonderful to be back in America for the 4th of July, which is both the birthday of America and my baby brother Rich.  When he was very little, he used to think the fireworks were for him.   And for many, many years, the entire family gathered at my parents’ house for a massive yet chill backyard BBQ / birthday celebration.  After a day of silly conversations, lots of amazing food, and chillaxin’ or napping in the grass with grill-scented dreams, we’d convene around a Carvel ice cream cake to sing Happy Birthday.   Everyone in Red, White, and Blue.  Family.  Friends.  Joy.  At night, I’d head off for some excitement with friends – fireworks, another BBQ or party.   I love this quintessentially American holiday – patriotism, a whole summer of memories awaiting us.  The anticipation of many good days.  The epitome of why I wanted to be home now.

When I get nostalgic for the way 4th of July used to be, I think of the last episode of The Wonder Years, as they celebrated Independence Day . . . one last time the way it was.

The next day Winnie and I came home. Back to where we’d started. It was the fourth of July in that little suburban town. Somehow, though, things were different. Our past was here, but our future was somewhere else, and we both knew sooner or later we had to go. It was the last July I ever spent in that town. The next year after graduation I was on my way [. . . ]Like I said things never turn out exactly the way you’d planned. Growing up happens in a heartbeat; one day you’re in diapers, the next day you’re gone.  But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place, a town, a house  like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of other yards, on a street like a lot of other streets, and the thing is after all these years I still look back with wonder.

I grew up in Yonkers, NY on the border of the Bronx from 1980 to 1989 when I moved to a town much like that  portrayed in Wonder Years, one of the Post-War suburban ideals where kids could be kids, biking to their friends, enjoying and exploring with wonder.  Waldwick in Bergen County, NJ.  I love my Yonkers experience, and it played a huge role in shaping my early years, especially with visits to Grandma in Innwood, Manhattan–sometimes feeling like a NYC kid.  But I’m so grateful to my parents for choosing this beautiful, simple, peaceful town where I finished growing up and now stay when I return “home.”

Of course, just like for Kevin Arnold, home has changed.

After my grandparents passed away, as we all grew up and a bit more distant without the strong lure of the matriarch’s wings pulling us together, the giant family BBQ was canceled.  Instead, now it’s just my parents hosting their kids, who have returned to the nest for the day or the summer.  Yet while this year it was a bit quieter, with slightly less food and missing the laughter of my young cousins and the humor of my grandparents, it was a lovely day.

A friend visited me from the city, and we went swimming at Brookside, the lake where I used to lifeguard for many years.  We enjoyed excellent food at my parents’ house, including the Carvel cake, and then drove into the city for a rooftop BBQ with some of my best friends from Fordham.  Plenty of laughs, smiles, sunshine and relaxation as locals set off fireworks.  I spent much of that party sharing stories and ideas from my time in Genoa, feeling completely grateful that, at least for now, I have the best of both worlds.  I live a blessed life.

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With my friend Denis who hosted a fabulous rooftop BBQ with his wife Natalie.

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With my friend Kat, as you may remember from Whirlwind Weekend

It’s really not all sunshine and roses – but life is still beautiful.

Sweden’s Disillusionment.  My friend and colleague just wrote the previous post about life and travel in Italy vs. other, wealthier countries.  I truly agree.  It’s amazing how people ooh and ah at home about Italy and refuse to let me say a negative word, thinking that I’m doing some kind of Eat Pray Love La Dolce Vita who knows a whata experience all the time.  One friend even said, “It’s a 2 year vacation with just enough work so you don’t feel lazy.”  No, no, no.  And . . .it’s work just to live here.  There is a very high price for all this beauty.  I’m happy to pay it . . . at least for a little while, but I do love the ahhhhh I feel when crossing the border into Switzerland, for example.

I’ve had many visitors since I arrived, and many were happy to take in the sights, but they also quickly grew to see the subtle annoyances of life here.  “Where can I buy a razor?” Not at this hour. (8pm) “Why is the store closed?”  Nap time, lunch time, holiday, because they don’t care.  “Why is this post box shut?” They can’t be bothered.   “Where can I buy bus tickets at this hour?” You can’t.  Hop on and take a risk.   “Why did they just charge us 13 euros for boxed pasta?”  Where is the food I’ve heard about?”  The food in Italy can be hit or miss, and actually, the best food’s at home.  Pasta Fresca, 2 euros!  “Where is the sun?” Uh, I have no idea, that’s supposed to be a given . .  .  

I know some of my visitors on their first visit to Italy may have been disappointed.  I remember the feeling.  In 1997, I signed up for a High School trip to Europe. That year, it was Paris, The Riviera and Rome.  yay!  I wasn’t too psyched about Paris, but with low expectations and it being my first European country, I was thrilled and pleasantly surprised.  I remember gazing in awe at the canals, finding the people friendly and helpful, and just kept hugging my friends because I was so happy.  When we arrived in Italy, it was nice — but we were starting to get tired as we visited Assisi and then we got lost in Florence where the ATM took my credit card and the bank was closed and  . . . it was a lot of nonsense.  By the time we got to Rome, it was pouring rain, we were exhausted, and I just wanted to go home.  Italy and the food didn’t really impress me.  Too many tourist traps?  Package tour food?  Whatever it was . . .I was ready to go.  Perhaps extra disappointed because my expectations were too high.

Moving here, I was well-informed.  I had been to Italy 5 other times.  I enjoyed the summer days Under the Tuscan Sun; saw the gorgeous Cinque Terre through train windows and wanted more; studied a bit of Italian in college; and had an amazing week along Lake Como.  But I had my share of cancelled or overcrowded trains, travel stress, disappointing and overpriced meals, tourist crowds, frightening travel chaos, and bad attitudes . . . to make me notice the reality.  I came to the conclusion that Italy knows that tourists will visit anyway, so who cares?  They are too busy enjoying life!   I also devoured travel writing that made no secret about how complicated, bureaucratic, and often completely nonsensical life can be here sometimes.  I was prepared.  But it can still be hard.

This is further exacerbated when the weather does not cooperate.   The weather and beauty soothe the soul and make the nonsense tolerable. But this year . . .is a bit different.   For some reason, Europe has been plagued by very strange unseasonable weather. Dublin was getting snow into March.  Genoa even had snow.  My students and colleagues said the swimming season is definitely in full swing by the end of March . . . but this year, I STILL have not been in the sea, except for a brief wade up to my calves while visiting the Cinque Terre for four days.  Yup, for the Festa della Liberazione (Italian holiday last Thursday and Friday) I thought for sure I would have the opportunity for sun-soaked days in the turquoise water.  But we had mostly clouds, walked around in our jeans and jackets — and were even drenched in pouring rain one day.  I had a friend visit for Easter break, and excitedly told him “pack your swimsuit.”  That was the only item of clothing he did not use, and we spent quite a bit of time wandering around the soggy streets of Rome and Milan.  I felt so bad.

We’ve all been waiting for the spring that was supposed to arrive a while ago, but . . .it’s just taking it’s time.  I have my mother here these past two weeks, and then on Friday, two of my best friends from High School arrive for a girls’ weekend, where we head to the Cinque Terre again.  Mom and I spent 4 days in Monterosso, and I’m heading to Vernazza with the girls.  I hope we have sun!  I’m sick of disappointing my visitors and myself.

I often think of Wordsworth who wrote a poem when climbing through the Alps.  He was looking forward to his first view of Mont Blanc.  All the others on the Grand Tour, the artists and poets, have explained the view — talked it up so much, that when he did see it, he was disappointed.  He regretted choosing the wrong trail, the mountain revealing itself in a different way, not the way he pictured it. He couldn’t appreciate it for how beautiful it was because it didn’t match the image in his mind’s eye, didn’t live up to the hype he expected.  He didn’t feel the sublime light of sense he craved.  Expectations breed disappointment.   That’s why, sometimes, a small unknown city can bring me so much more joy than a famous tourist destination — ESPECIALLY when I don’t know a thing about it.

Italy is so hyped up.  People have been raving and talking and writing about it for years.  In NYC, there are whole neighborhoods devoted to Italian culture and cuisine.  Movies are filmed here, books written . . . I remember when I posted that I was moving to Italy, the response was absolutely overwhelming.  I wondered if people would have been as excited if I accepted a job in Kiev or Oslo or Kuwait or Jakarta or even London.  I made the choice.  I wanted the weather, the language, the location, the comfortable familiar culture, but I also know that if I was in London or Switzerland or Germany I would have a better quality of life.  But . . .hey, the grass is always greener.  I currently have a friend in Switzerland who can’t wait to leave and feels it’s too Xenophobic and cold and harsh.  These feelings are all a part of expat life.

In grad school, I wrote an upside-down sonnet inspired by Wordsworth’s disappointment.  I remembered hiking in the Swiss alps, with the beautiful snow-capped peek of Jungfrau in the distance.  I have included this poem now because I was thinking about it this weekend in the Cinque Terre when I was disappointed like Wordsworth.  I wanted to show my mom how beautiful and lovely it was with crystal blue skies, igniting a bold turquoise sea and an unparalleled, sublime vibrant glow to all the scenery.  I couldn’t thoroughly enjoy the beauty that was before me because it wasn’t matching what I had in my mind’s eye.  My mom, however, was able to appreciate it for what it was — gorgeous and relaxing.

Jungfrau, Switzerland

Shadowed by the image in my mind’s eye,
the crest thwarts my dream from across the vale.
Like Wordsworth climbing for the light of sense,
I grieve and regret choosing the wrong trail.
No sublime, no flash, can’t see — though high
struggling to comprehend the immense.

Soon I realize there’s no single right way
for in countless, varied directions lie
diverse perspectives of the same blue sky,
framing the same grand pinnacle. A gray
frosted mane of wisdom reflects each ray
as I snap breathless photographs and try
to explore every path, pretending to fly
soaring–arms spread– till the end of my day.

~July 2003

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A beautiful day in the global neighborhood

My great friend Brendan McGinley wrote a touching and beautiful piece on Mister Rogers, just in time for his 85th birthday and the 10th anniversary of his passing.

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5 Moments That Prove Mr. Rogers Was the Greatest American

The article brought the comments section together in love and tearful unity, where even the crankiest trolls were misting.  A Cracked.com member created a petition to make his birthday a national holiday: March 20th – Rogers Day.  Celebrities such as Alyssa Milano retweeted the article.  Milano actually has the whole show on DVD for her son.

I read the piece a few times, with tears in my eyes, watching the embedded media that brought me back to my earliest memories, to the years that shaped me, and I realized I’m so much of who I am because he was my neighbor.  I was filled with a warm and fuzzy feeling, and that night I had sweet dreams, taken back my childhood.  My childhood was love.  I need to make sure that my adulthood is love as well, even when  in a world where hate is often revered.

I grew up on Mr. Rogers in the early 80s.  Sure, I liked Sesame Street and 3-2-1 Contact and My Magic Garden along with a handful of other classic educational kids’ shows, but my favorite was Mr. Rogers.  My mom even used to explain time to me in terms of episodes.  “Your nap will be two Mr. Rogers.”  “We are only going to be here for one Mr. Rogers.”

I didn’t realize why at the time, just that I looked forward to his changing his shoes and cardigan, seeing King Friday and Lady Lane, and learning about the world through his helpful videos.  Although I hadn’t seen it in decades, I remembered this crayon video with almost total recall:

‘Hi Neighbor!”  It felt like he was talking to me.  He was my friend.  And I had a sad feeling when he dressed to leave, but I knew I was loved and I would see him later.  Luckily, I was raised in a family overflowing with love, and I had the added bonus of growing up in a time where there was at least one show on TV that made sure I knew I was special, with no gimmicks, no merchandise,  no ulterior motive other than to love.  Like Morrie says in Tuesdays with Morrie:

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Let it come in. We think we don’t deserve love, we think if we let it in we’ll become too soft. But a wise man named Levin said it right. He said, ‘Love is the only rational act.'”

I try to live a life of love, following the Jesuit motto of “men and women for others.” This is a wonderful reminder to make love a priority.

Reflecting on Mr. Rogers as an adult, I can see the dichotomy between the way I was raised and the way society tells me to live now.  The media and our peer groups often want us to harden, to be sarcastic and tough and snarky.  We are taught to be selfish, not in the “you are special” way of Mr. Rogers, but in the “I will get mine or else” way.  Relationships are disposable.  If a friend or lover doesn’t do what you want, give ’em hell.  We are criticized for giving selflessly, for forgiving too quickly, for being too “soft” and devoting our lives to others — and for loving everyone for exactly who they are, not trying to make them who we want them to be.  In our age of self-help books and photoshopped models, of people who are told they must go to college in order to be anything, that they must earn this amount of money, buy this house, live here, wear that, find this funny,  get this hairstyle and this surgery, be this sexy, do this and that . . . how nice to think that someone might actually like you for you.  Just as you are.

Bridget Jones’s Diary gave it a go:

Remember, love is all you need.

We all know the original, right?  Well, I think this version is lovely as well.  The whole movie was made with so much love from the cinematography to the music and voices — it really moved me.  I like to be moved.  In a world where we are all “too cool” to feel, I’m proud to be a feeler.  And from reading the comments section on Brendan’s article, I am not alone.  Mister Rogers was a role model in the formative years for generations of children.  Somewhere inside, after years in the neighborhood, we were cultivated with loving, caring, empathetic hearts.  We can be helpers.

After the Newtown shooting, like many others, I was seeking some kind of solace in a dark, bleak word.  Shuffling through the facebook statuses and updates, the one that really spoke to me was a quote from Mr. Rogers along with a touching photo.  I blogged this back in December.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster,’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.” — Mister Rogers

 

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His love was so genuine – just look at the beauty of that photo.  Everyone reacted to him, even Koko.  Watch the clip in Brendan’s article.  I don’t want to spend time here rephrasing or repeating what Brendan compiled so eloquently.  I’m just reacting to it, because I have been overflowing with emotions in a very good way.

When I was telling Brendan how much I loved his article, he said that the response has been overwhelming and he just wants to “stay out of the way and let his accolades flow.” Fred did all the work.  “Fred is love,” he said.

I was lucky to grow up in a family that, flaws and all, was also love.  I try to pass that love on to my students, to my friends and family, and hopefully will be able to share that love with my own children one day.

I conclude this rumination with gratitude.  Gratitude for Mister Rogers’ ministry, gratitude for all of the wonderful people in my life in the states, here in Italy, and all over the world.  I’m grateful for the amazing and happy childhood I had, where I could play with my dolls, color, run outside with my brother, and then back into the loving arms of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who made sure I knew I was loved.  I am flooded with memories of Yahtzee and Boggle  on a porch of a New Hampshire cabin, of baking with Grandma and licking the icing, of her holding my hand at night when I was afraid of the big bad wolf in Granny’s country house.  Memories of walking to the newsstand with Grandpa for a pack of m&ms each day, even though there was half a bag sitting in the fridge from yesterday’s walk.  Memories of Mom reading to me and Rich, both curled up on her lap.  Memories of nightmares and tears, soothing songs, cuts and scrapes, band aids and ice cream cones.  I remember Dad following us around with the movie camera, trying to document everything, and Mom making sure that — no matter what — we sat together around the kitchen table for dinner.  I grew up with everything I ever needed because I was loved, and somewhere there is always a part of me sitting in front of the TV singing “It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.”  Even though I’m in Italy now, I’m still in the neighborhood.  143.

More Kefi, Please.

It’s amazing how the mind, body, and spirit will kind of shut down in an attempt to tell you what you are doing with your life is all wrong.  I remember moments in the last few years where I didn’t want to leave the couch, where I woke up in the morning, one after the other, feeling like it was Groundhog Day.  Where I looked around me and thought, “This is it?  This can’t be it . . .”

I thought back to the old me, the 21 year old adventurer, slightly scatterbrained, super creative, very philosophical, and a dreamer open to the world.  Ok, I overstuffed my backpack and on a train, hostlers said, “Do you have a kayak in there?” And I made many other mistakes along the way during my travels: missed trains, missed flights, hitchhiking with bus drivers,  medicines left at home, and lots of lost rambling.  But somewhere within all of that, there was adventure.  My mind was ripped open and challenged — like lifting weights for the brain and spirit.  I dunno, something about the soul too.

I did it for this girl, the 52 year old me, and of course, my current self.

I missed that girl.  When many people lose that side of themselves, they blame age.  I knew better.  I am gonna quote two travel chick flicks because, well, as cheesy as they may be, they are also right on about a few things.  And since I’m a woman who up and left her life, shook it to the core for a chance at something new — they resonate with me.

In Under the Tuscan Sun, Frances is offered an opportunity to go to Italy.  Under the cloak of depression after a divorce, she says “Thanks but no thanks.”  Her friend says:

“You know when you come across those empty shell people? And you think, what the hell happened to you? Well, there came a time in each one of those lives, where they are standing at a cross-roads, someplace where they had to decide to turn left or right. This is no time to be a chicken-shit Francis.”

Frances, a writer, laughs at the Oprah cliche of the statement, yet at the same time, she ends up taking the advice and quoting it back to her friend after she buys a villa in Tuscany.   She was comfortable in her misery at home.  It would be so easy, so comfortable for me to stay in New York.  When I got the job offer, I almost said “No.”  Yeah, no to Italy, to my dream.  Then I realized all the excuses in my head were purely fear talking.  And I had to logically rise above the fear, reach for a dream, even when I didn’t think I had any, and take the LEAP.  If I stayed, I envisioned withering.   The negativity in my work environment was killing me, kind of literally.  Parts of myself had already disappeared.  I used to laugh easily.  I used to seek fun.   I didn’t feel witty or creative anymore.  When I looked up at the clouds, all I saw were . . .well, clouds.  But in the past, I used to see shapes and figures, dancing in their imaginary yet oh so real to me sky world.  Puff the Magic Dragon, a dolphin jumping up into the air, two teddy bears hugging, the Michelin Man.  But nope, I just saw clouds.  I’d go to write, and  . . .BLOCKED.  My whole life was in survival mode.  Get through the day, calm down, don’t let the chaos get to you.

The positivity here is amazing.  I am so appreciated, even revered at times — I feel.  And in addition to always asking “Are you happy?” coworkers are always thanking us for our work, praising our efforts, and providing support for our goals as well as  invitations for drinks. It’s amazing.  Plus, the beauty of Genoa and the proximity to so many fabulous destinations is — just perfecto.

I miss friends and family at home.  I miss the variety of NYC food and entertainment. But overall, I am absolutely elated to be here.  From the minute I said “Yes,” my spirit started to return.  I started seeing shapes in the clouds, laughed through life, started writing again, started dreaming and living in the moment.  “I saved my soul,” I said to one of my best friends before departure.  There is nothing to regret.

In My Life in Ruins, a woman moves to Greece for a teaching job at the university, yet with budget cuts she lost it and became a travel guide.  She is about to go back to the US when she realizes, she can get her kefi back — her mojo.  It comes out in full force, of course, and she stays in Athens, elated and glowing.

I’m not saying I’m going to stay forever, but it is thrilling to know I have two years here — two years to continue growing, trying new things, and cultivating my mind, body and spirit.  A friend said, “seeds as well as tilling” — planting the future me.

I just got back from a sunset swim in the sea, one of my favorite rituals here in Genoa as I’ve begun to seek new comforts.  I don’t have cable tv.  I open my terrace door and breathe the mountain air.  The salty water drips from my hair down my neck.  I am filled with gratitude and peace on this late summer Sunday.